Review: Abandon by Meg Cabot

Series: Abandon #1

Publisher: Scholastic

Publishing date: April 26th, 2011

Pages: 320

Buy it: Amazon

Summary: Though she tries returning to the life she knew before the accident, Pierce can't help but feel at once a part of this world, and apart from it. Yet she's never alone . . . because someone is always watching her. Escape from the realm of the dead is impossible when someone there wants you back.
But now she's moved to a new town. Maybe at her new school, she can start fresh. Maybe she can stop feeling so afraid.
Only she can't. Because even here, he finds her. That's how desperately he wants her back. She knows he's no guardian angel, and his dark world isn't exactly heaven, yet she can't stay away . . . especially since he always appears when she least expects it, but exactly when she needs him most.
But if she lets herself fall any further, she may just find herself back in the one place she most fears: the Underworld.

Rating: 2 stars

WARNING: This review contains mentions of wanting to throttle, strangle and maim book characters, and includes potentially traumatizing pictures.

Just look at this summary. Go ahead, read it.
It's amazing, isn't it? And the cover. It's gorgeous. The premise is mysterious, intriguing and lovely. I was SO excited for this book, you don't even know. I think my entire twitter feed knew the instant it was out.

This is why I'm going to be a little hard on it. Because my expectations were high, and there weren't met. At. All.

About the narrator:

This is what I wanted to do to her for half the book. UGH. What a vapid, idiotic, insensitive, shallow, boring person. She's everything I hate in a character. No backbone, changing loyalties, and just this carelessness that I HATE.

    Sure, I'd been kicked out of school. I couldn't seem to go more than an hour without craving a caffeinated beverage. And a guy I'd met while I was dead had popped by unexpectedly and caused me to be slapped with a seven-figure civil suit.
    But I was feeling positive about the future.

... Excuse me???
LOL my daddy has to pay more than a million dollars to a guy but I don't care!

About the writing:

It draaaaaaaagged. She spent ages telling us about how she had been in the Underworld, and some bad "incident" had happened after she came back, but that the incident was different from the accident, and blablablablabla. My god, just get ON with it! The book is just so full of plot holes (like when Pierce loses her necklace, but somehow still has it around her neck?) and stilted, stretched out mock-obstacles.
Also, just like in The Goddess Test (which is also a retelling of the Persephone/Hades myth), the narrator keeps talking about "that". Apparently, spelling out the word sex is a capital offense.

Oh, and by the way, Pierce hates Greek mythology, because it's "complicated and weird and had nothing to do with reality." How the hell do you want me to empathize with her? Seriously? SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HOMER IS.

About the romance:

It was ridiculous. And the love interest? His name is John. I don't even know what to say to that. He's a one-dimensional, pseudo swoon worthy "dark" guy that we didn't get to know at all. He behaved all aloof-like and jerky and moody and suddenly bam! His lips came came down over mine etc etc. Of course, the rest of the world ~vanished instantly. Eye roll.

One thing I learned from this book: tassels?
BAD.

EVIL. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

Needless to say, I would recommend this book to no one. I know it looks so good and you want to like it sooo bad, but... Yeah. No.